Denial: "This can't be happening."
Everything seemed to be going so well it shouldn’t have happened again. (Pregnancy loss) My HCG levels were rising and my progesterone was good. (Pregnancy loss) We just saw her and she seemed to be doing ok. She just had her cataracts removed and was finally getting relief from knee pain. (Mother in law) How could she go downhill so fast? She said she wouldn’t leave me. (Friend) Maybe the heartbeat just wasn’t visible as well abdominal but will be fine. (Pregnancy loss) Anger: "Why is this happening to me?" Why didn’t she tell us she had chest pain and go to ER instead of waiting for morning, why didn’t the Dr advise immediate visit to ER? (Mother in law) She was in so much pain medication, I hope it didn’t make it worse, did she give up?(Friend) This was my rainbow baby why did I even conceive if God didn’t allow baby to be born healthy. (Pregnancy loss) Bargaining: "I will do anything to change this." I’ll take egg boosting supplements and do everything to make my body healthy for next time. (Pregnancy loss) Praying Lord make baby healthy or take home if baby would suffer but please let baby stay. (Pregnancy loss) Depression: "What's the point of going on after this loss?" I didn’t even have one single picture with my friend, why didn’t we take a picture sometime. I’ll never find a friend like her again. If only I had told her how much we loved her and how the family division hurt us but we understand why she kept her other family members happy. My kids missed so much and time can never be returned. I don’t understand why this happened again maybe I’m being punished or maybe I’m just not a good mom and the babies are better off in Heaven. I want to try again but I’m afraid of another loss and that will be our last baby. Acceptance: "I know what happened, and I can't change it. Now I need to cope." She was suffering and wanted to be in Heaven, now she has a perfect body and will never suffer again. (Friend) She always worried she would have Alzheimer’s like her mom so going to Heaven saved her from that possibility. (Mother in law) My babies were loved every minute and will never be forgotten. They are with Jesus and loved ones now and they never had to experience suffering. I will see them again someday. (Pregnancy loss)
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Authentic Helena
I'm a wife of 20 years to a husband that consistently chooses to love me despite my flaws and a mother of 3 wonderful, loving and giving children. I have 6 babies waiting for me up in Heaven. I'm imperfect, often broken and learning; you will see many aspects of what makes me the person I am throughout this blog. You will find no condemnation from me. I have my fair share of problems and battles, I win some and lose some but by God's grace I'm continuing in the good fight. I'm attempting to live life authentically and I enjoy the many blessings God has given both in happiness and pain. I don't have any formal education in Biblical Studies and I don't claim to be an expert. I'm just sharing experiences and lessons I am learning or trying to learn as I go through life. Archives
January 2020
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