I had planned on sharing our good news with everyone on Sunday, but plans change, sometimes quicker than you could ever imagine. I was preparing to let everyone know we would be having a baby in September 2020 because yes, I’m pregnant. Unfortunately, lab work has confirmed the baby is not continuing to develop so now I wait until I am no longer pregnant. I’ve heard it said when a woman is pregnant they know they are pregnant; that a woman is either pregnant or she’s not because you can’t be just a little bit pregnant. Imagine how I feel about these statements regarding pregnancy. The first thing I’d like to point out is when a woman is battling with her fertility and she hopes to be pregnant every month but she has to wait for that time from ovulation to either her period or positive pregnancy test, so she does not know if she is pregnant. Technically I am in fact pregnant, but my baby isn’t developing. So yes, I’m pregnant but our baby isn’t developing so many wouldn’t agree I’m even pregnant. Since right now I’m only 4w4d pregnant waiting for my body to miscarry it’s so early many would say “you were barely even pregnant”. All I know is this baby was wanted so very much, we were so joyful, and we had so many thoughts and dreams already of the future of our baby. It’s crushing to have to say no I’m sorry there is no hope, there’s no way it’ll just get better, this baby won’t be born alive in September. This loss is felt by me of course, I am carrying the baby in my womb and have spent every moment from discovering I was pregnant thinking of our lives together. What many may not understand is the loss is also felt by my husband and children, they already began carrying the baby in their thoughts and hearts imaging our lives together with baby. Our family is grieving in our own way for the baby we will not meet in September. 1 in 4, Miscarriage is always more than a statistic, our family is the 1 in 4 right now. For now I continue to wait for the miscarriage and official end to my pregnancy.
Grief and what’s needed to process the grief is different for everyone. If you’re grieving be gentle with yourself and find what works best for you. If you know someone grieving allow them time, lots of time, and allow them to process their grief however is best for them. 🦋
🚦Today I went and spent some time at the cemetery. It’s mostly quiet, I’m able to cry and pray, sing a little, I meditate on many things, sit and listen to birds calling or animals running to gather food for winter. It gives me a chance to remember all the good memories and look forward to times we will spend together again. A remembrance of the past and a looking forward to the future. I’m able to renew my hopes, my dreams and be reminded that the strength I need is always within me.
I was appalled at what I walked up to see this evening. Messing with gravesites is just cruel, I’m saddened to see it happening and it angers me that families face this disrespect. Today wasn’t the first and I doubt it’ll be the the last of occurrences like this. I will rest peacefully tonight knowing I will advocate for respect for families of loved ones gone on and advocate for the sacredness of burial sites to remain undisturbed. Families honor their departed loved ones remembering the life/lives lived and continue showing their love how they choose. They deserve to have the ability to visit the cemetery without constantly dealing with the tampering of the graves belonging to their loved ones earthly resting place.💜
Bride, Princess, Queen... what do you see? I see myself as all titles and yet none all rolled into me, I’m just BEing. Living life full of joy and gratitude loving with all that I AM with all of my BEing!🦋
💗 May your day be filled with love, peace and inner joy. If you’re struggling I see you, I hear you and I’ll hold space for you.🦋
💥Yes, I’m a woman, I was 17 when I enlisted after having college all lined up with a college prep diploma and everything, a born again Christian with many prayers before and during service. I knew I’d marry and have children when the time was right (losses & all); I thought I’d go on to retire but plans change, I’ve seen the living and the dead but I’m living. I’m thankful not because of the struggles but because it’s one of many of my timelines. I met my spouse in the USAF, we worked separate duty shifts, and we both deployed in combat together and separately. I held my first baby in my arms while still Active Duty and served over a year after with my husband continuing to serve. I did much with what little help possible or did it alone; sometimes I still do alone because of decisions we make or out of necessity. Guard, Reserve or Active Duty past or present of any duration of service; Veteran’s Men or Women, joining to serve our nation whether born on US soil, indigenous peoples or abroad: Air Force, Army, Army Air Corp, Coast Guard, Navy and Marine Corp, I thank you ALL for your service!! Don’t forget people, everyone has a story, a journey and a purpose or many purposes. I’ve never sought the spotlight nor do I ever plan to but have, however; I will stand, crawl or lay in bed speaking up until the day I die be that today or years and years in the future. I am a warrior, a peacemaker, a friend, I am many titles and yet none because I serve.
I've never been on a vacation, Bobby & I didn't have a honeymoon and we've always wanted to go somewhere as a family. In 2002 while I was in the USAF I was selected to go to an EMT Conference to learn techniques that may be required in other environments and with wild animals. I went to Colorado Springs, CO and it was so beautiful. Bobby was deployed but once we were both back home from deployment we enjoyed looking at the pictures together and decided we would go together someday. After 20 years of marriage, the rough couple years we've seen filled with so much loss we decided needed to make this trip happen. The reality of how short life really is was staring us directly in the face so in January we planned making this possible for our family. I am so thankful we did and I will forever cherish the time spent together.
We just started trying again this month. My thyroid was removed in February and we were giving my thyroid hormone a chance to regulate. We started trying again after our loss of Riley, every month negative tests, this makes the 9th cycle of trying, hoping and waiting. If you experience loss or have difficulty getting pregnant it’s ok to feel the pain. Yes I love my children with me on earth so very much! We’d like at least one more sibling for them.
Today it’s 18 years since my biological mom Linda passed too. She never got to meet her grandchildren but at least she’s loving on our babies in Heaven with Granny.
Quarter 1973 Married to Glenn Creamer. Dime 1999 First time we met and year Bobby & I were married. Penny 2018 last year we had together. We love and miss you Ma/Granny. We will see you again in Heaven one sweet day!
Ladies check your neck, feel around for lumps etc, watch yourself swallow a drink of water in front of mirror. My thyroid nodules were first discovered at a routine checkup for migraine medication and my Dr saw a lump across the room. Thyroid ultrasound showed multiple lumps on both sides. Most concerning was one with irregular boarders and microcalcifications, now the others have visibility grown rather quickly. The dr I was referred to suggestedI to go straight for surgery but I thought I’d wait to see if any shrinking was possible with women’s health Dr suggested iodine and maybe do a biopsy. My Drs option today said just get thyroid removed because they’ll send it for pathology again. It already causes difficulties swallowing food or water and sometimes talking is effected. He said it will only get worse and my speech will be worsened if I don’t get it taken care of. So now we’re waiting to hear back to schedule and determine next steps. I’m going to have to be overnight at the hospital after surgery and probably no driving for a week after.
I just submitted Exam #1 for my Birth & Bereavement Doula Certification. Yes, things in life slowed me down some but today I got it accomplished! One day I hope to be able to support women birthing at any gestation and help them navigate through the pain of loss or join in joyful celebration.
I’m not always proud of my past and I don’t exactly find joy in discussing the traumatic times but each have brought me to who I am. I’ve lived, I’ve learned, my faith is strong, I still see good in people and I’m thankful for each new day.
After holding the heavy for so very long, sometimes you find it comes out easier while writing as the tears flow.
I can’t find the right words now. I am only thankful that he obtained his wish to be home and passed peacefully. Dad loved his family fiercely, had a hilarious sense of humor, could have some really ornery shenanigans, I’ll miss his laugh, I’ll miss his wisdom and how just sitting in a room with him was never dull. I’ll always remember him as the strongest man I knew, nothing kept him down and I hear even his final moments were on his terms, although I wasn’t able to be there I know he knows I was thinking of him. I never said it enough, I love you Dad!
People fight battles so complex that others cannot fathom the effort it requires to make it through each day. Be kind and be open to hearing them speak, this may be the one time they take the risk to speak up, so pay attention.
I don’t know where this path will lead me once training is completed. Having been through miscarriage at different stages and would have appreciated resources to help me know my rights for fetal final disposition. I’ve spoken with women experiencing miscarriage and with women being unable to grieve or find closure after a loss at a hospital. I knew I would have liked support and resources but in our area there’s few. My passion is to help others through what was meant to be joy. To grieve without guilt and to love without fear.
My sister posted this today....
We brought Dad to the Hospital on Tuesday and through all we have discovered Dad has Lung Cancer. Please understand that we will be dealing with spending what time we have with our Spouse, Dad, Gpa, Opa and we do not wish for any sort of drama but would luv your prayers for Peace for Dad. We will not be making comments on your posts back to us but please know we sincerely do appreciate. Thank you so very much.
I'm a wife of 20 years to a husband that consistently chooses to love me despite my flaws and a mother of 3 wonderful, loving and giving children. I have 6 babies waiting for me up in Heaven. I'm imperfect, often broken and learning; you will see many aspects of what makes me the person I am throughout this blog. You will find no condemnation from me. I have my fair share of problems and battles, I win some and lose some but by God's grace I'm continuing in the good fight. I'm attempting to live life authentically and I enjoy the many blessings God has given both in happiness and pain. I don't have any formal education in Biblical Studies and I don't claim to be an expert. I'm just sharing experiences and lessons I am learning or trying to learn as I go through life.