We all have so many emotions that can change from moment to moment sometimes leaving us wondering why we really felt that way. Positive emotions are always welcomed and often not questioned but there are times anger or sadness can pop up when least expected. If not dealt with properly our anger can lead to bitterness and hostility and our sadness or disappointment can lead to depression. Looking back on my own life I have found that feeling “less than” has been the primary trigger of these negative emotions for me. Through the times I have stumbled and struggled I would see others that seemingly had or did everything perfectly and the feelings of inadequacy or being “less than” would come pouring in. Other times I would wonder how some people could do so much while I was only able to do so little. I could find myself spiraling into anger or depression if there was a difference of opinion or even the slightest indication of disapproval, at some point I linked disapproval with not being loved or being thought of as unworthy or “less than”. The change in my focus along with the strength and power of God has helped me overcome the toughest of these emotions and over time it has improved. Every now and then the struggle reappears and I have had to remind myself this is going to be a daily battle considering the fact we are not always in control of circumstances or other people and the devil is going to do anything possible to defeat and discourage us. We will often unconsciously find supporting evidence for our thoughts and then begin to believe it must be true.
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Authentically ME
I'm a wife of 25 years to a husband that consistently chooses to love me despite my flaws and a mother of 3 wonderful, loving and giving children. I have 7 babies waiting for me in Heaven. I'm imperfect, often feel broken and I'm always learning; you will see many aspects of what makes me the person I am throughout this blog. Though the ups and downs in this journey through life I have learned and am learning so much, I'll never stop learning. I hold myself to impossible standards yet I know I am imperfect and will keep trying, I keep dusting myself off and getting up to go again. I understand the uniqueness of every situation and person, I am ME and others are who they choose to be; I don't have to agree with you or you agree with me. I make no secret of my standards, do NOT harm children, do NOT destroy others health (physical, mental, spiritual or financial); that's my boundaries and what it takes to have access to me. If this is too much to ask feel free to move along and I let go with love and genuinely want the best for your present and future. Healing isn't a place of arrival, it's continuous, I have healed from many things and I am still healing; like an onion healing comes in layers, like the tides; healing comes in ebbs and flows. I love, I observe, I learn and forgetting the past/history leads to cycles of chaos and I refuse to forget and not remember; I will continue learning from the lessons. I have my fair share of problems and battles, I win some and lose some but by God's grace I'm continuing in the good fight. I'm attempting to live life authentically and I enjoy the many blessings I have received both in happiness and pain. I don't have any licenses in Biblical Studies, or Health (physical, mental, spiritual, financial). I have background in military, health, service of others and individual trainings and research; I don't claim to be an expert on anything and I advise you to research and advocate for yourself as well as consult professionals. I'm sharing experiences and lessons I am learning or trying to learn as I go through life. Choose to remember but not fear, choose to enjoy the now and cherish priceless moments; look forward to changes knowing that lessons will come and more beautiful glimpses, love and joy are all available when you look closely at times from your past, moments within your present and the possibilities from your tomorrows. I am a survivor, I love deeply, I am a truth finder and I am a warrior, I am ME. Know you have strength, you have value, you are enough, you are worthy of peace and happiness, your boundaries are yours and it's okay to enforce them, you are loved, you are missed, you deserve support, your goodness to people and the world is noticed, you deserve to heal, your voice matters and you deserve to be seen and heard; best of all love yourself in your uniqueness flaws and all. Archives
January 2020
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