Remolding Clay
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We all go through struggles in life and whenever we believe we are strong the devil will find whatever our weakness is and attempt to use it to destroy us. The devil made an attack on our family and almost succeeded in destroying everything I held dear. I had finally released my own past and old hurts and had grown stronger in Him so the devil used this to invoke anger at God for not protecting us or stopping it and attempted to prove to me that I just wasn't valuable to God. The fog and bitterness I was in for a time because of the pain was almost unbearable but being a good example for my kids and others around me was my driving force to not give in and not give up. The teachings I heard in the past and during this time run through my mind over and over again and helped me to forgive and strengthened my resolve to continue the fight to hold my family together, my heart would not be whole without them. God allowed the tough times to make me stronger, show me what was important in life and so helped me better understand what others go through so that someday I may help them through the fog too. I'm no longer merely getting through day to day but I am living and I know without a doubt I am valuable to God and Christ is my strength. So the words of the poem I wrote ring just as true now as the day I wrote them.
There's Hope Written January 3, 2012 by: Helena I was a shell of a person I was struggling to cope But as I grew closer Lord, you showed me there’s hope I tried so long to do it on my own, I struggled to be strong The fumbling and stumbling was allowed to show me I was doing it all wrong All I had to do was turn it all over to you and let it all go Now I have more peace than I ever thought I’d know Drawing closer to you brought me such joy I will remain alert and not fall for Satan’s ploy Satan promises so many things that will never be true It robs us of all hope and joy in all that we do But Jesus you are a faithful, loving and kind friend You will forever be with us with a love that does not end Help me to help others so through you I can show them the way That through your salvation and closeness to you we are conquerors every day
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Authentically ME
I'm a wife of 25 years to a husband that consistently chooses to love me despite my flaws and a mother of 3 wonderful, loving and giving children. I have 7 babies waiting for me in Heaven. I'm imperfect, often feel broken and I'm always learning; you will see many aspects of what makes me the person I am throughout this blog. Though the ups and downs in this journey through life I have learned and am learning so much, I'll never stop learning. I hold myself to impossible standards yet I know I am imperfect and will keep trying, I keep dusting myself off and getting up to go again. I understand the uniqueness of every situation and person, I am ME and others are who they choose to be; I don't have to agree with you or you agree with me. I make no secret of my standards, do NOT harm children, do NOT destroy others health (physical, mental, spiritual or financial); that's my boundaries and what it takes to have access to me. If this is too much to ask feel free to move along and I let go with love and genuinely want the best for your present and future. Healing isn't a place of arrival, it's continuous, I have healed from many things and I am still healing; like an onion healing comes in layers, like the tides; healing comes in ebbs and flows. I love, I observe, I learn and forgetting the past/history leads to cycles of chaos and I refuse to forget and not remember; I will continue learning from the lessons. I have my fair share of problems and battles, I win some and lose some but by God's grace I'm continuing in the good fight. I'm attempting to live life authentically and I enjoy the many blessings I have received both in happiness and pain. I don't have any licenses in Biblical Studies, or Health (physical, mental, spiritual, financial). I have background in military, health, service of others and individual trainings and research; I don't claim to be an expert on anything and I advise you to research and advocate for yourself as well as consult professionals. I'm sharing experiences and lessons I am learning or trying to learn as I go through life. Choose to remember but not fear, choose to enjoy the now and cherish priceless moments; look forward to changes knowing that lessons will come and more beautiful glimpses, love and joy are all available when you look closely at times from your past, moments within your present and the possibilities from your tomorrows. I am a survivor, I love deeply, I am a truth finder and I am a warrior, I am ME. Know you have strength, you have value, you are enough, you are worthy of peace and happiness, your boundaries are yours and it's okay to enforce them, you are loved, you are missed, you deserve support, your goodness to people and the world is noticed, you deserve to heal, your voice matters and you deserve to be seen and heard; best of all love yourself in your uniqueness flaws and all. 
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