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New Day Determined 

12/29/2014

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Every year I have good intentions but they tend to slip away with the dawning of a new day. Of course I've not abandoned my intentions purposely. Too many times it's only after much time has passed and I've  gotten lost in the day to day when something stirs the memory and I disappointedly realize somewhere along the way I lost sight of my intention. Unintentionally this is a place we all find ourselves. We set goals, we mean well but the days, weeks and months roll by and before we know it a new year has been ushered in and we've found ourselves no closer to where we meant to be. Even more sadly we may even find ourselves further from where we envisioned. There have been times I've even purposely had no goals or intention just so I didn't have to go through the disappointment of what I deemed as failure. I would reason that doing such allowed me a pass and I wouldn't have any reason to give myself mental lashings for "failing to obtain". In reality those lashings still came because deep inside I still secretly wanted to be further.  When I find myself in the exact same state I have nobody to blame but myself... When I fail to plan I am indeed planning to fail. Looking onward. Even if my plan, goal or intentions don't turn out as I hoped I will offer myself the same grace I would give to others. I would never berate someone for not achieving a goal instead I would encourage them to keep making steps to work towards their vision. I deserve the same encouragement so why shouldn't say the same to myself. So what am I going to do? I'm going to set some goals in writing. I will have categories, there will be: within 1 year, within 5 years, and before I die. Instead of just having good intentions I will with determination work towards meeting my goals.  At the ending of each week or month I will (with grace) evaluate how well I am reaching my aim and readjust as needed. Everyday will offer new challenges and I may have to make allowances for change but I will be determined to not allow those challenges to become an excuse to remain stalled. Every day is new and given to us to begin again. Let's all make today and everyday count. 

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good. ~Author Unknown"






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    Authentically ME

    I'm a wife of 25 years to a husband that consistently chooses to love me despite my flaws and a mother of 3 wonderful, loving and giving children. I have 7 babies waiting for me in Heaven.  I'm imperfect, often feel broken and I'm always learning; you will see many aspects of what makes me the person I am throughout this blog. Though the ups and downs in this journey through life I have learned and am learning so much, I'll never stop learning. I hold myself to impossible standards yet I know I am imperfect and will keep trying, I keep dusting myself off and getting up to go again. I understand the uniqueness of every situation and person, I am ME and others are who they choose to be; I don't have to agree with you or you agree with me. I make no secret of my standards, do NOT harm children, do NOT destroy others health (physical, mental, spiritual or financial); that's my boundaries and what it takes to have access to me. If this is too much to ask feel free to move along and I let go with love and genuinely want the best for your present and future. Healing isn't a place of arrival, it's continuous, I have healed from many things and I am still healing; like an onion healing comes in layers, like the tides; healing comes in ebbs and flows. I love, I observe, I learn and forgetting the past/history leads to cycles of chaos and I refuse to forget and not remember; I will continue learning from the lessons.  I have my fair share of problems and battles, I win some and lose some but by God's grace I'm continuing in the good fight. I'm attempting to live life authentically and I enjoy the many blessings I have received both in happiness and pain. I don't have any licenses in Biblical Studies, or Health (physical, mental, spiritual, financial). I have background in military, health, service of others and individual trainings and research; I don't claim to be an expert on anything and I advise you to research and advocate for yourself as well as consult professionals.  I'm  sharing experiences and lessons I am learning or trying to learn as I go through life. Choose to remember but not fear, choose to enjoy the now and cherish priceless moments; look forward to changes knowing that lessons will come and more beautiful glimpses, love and joy are all available when you look closely at times from your past, moments within your present and the possibilities from your tomorrows. I am a survivor, I love deeply, I am a truth finder and I am a warrior, I am ME. Know you have strength, you have value, you are enough, you are worthy of peace and happiness, your boundaries are yours and it's okay to enforce them, you are loved, you are missed, you deserve support, your goodness to people and the world is noticed, you deserve to heal, your voice matters and you deserve to be seen and heard; best of all love yourself in your uniqueness flaws and all.

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  • Thoughts/Studies
  • My Losses
    • Why It’s Not “Just a Miscarriage”
    • Ean Rigel (Blog)
    • Riley Ember (Blog)
    • Pictures (ONLY CLICK TABS IF YOU WANT TO SEE THEM. *Disclaimer: Images may be disturbing for some) >
      • Pictures of Ean. He was not full term, he was 13w2d when his heart stopped and he stopped growing, he was born 13w6d.
      • Pictures of Riley. He was 8w4d when his heart stopped and he stopped growing, and he was born at 12 weeks.
      • Pics of Willow. She was 8w2d when her heart stopped and she stopped growing; she was born 10w6d.
  • Never Forgotten Babies
  • Praying For You