This is a raw moment I’m sharing with you all. Tomorrow starts the beginning of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This bear I call Brother Bear and I’m holding him and crying because I miss my babies. I had him made with a piece of blanket inside after the loss of our son Ean Rigel in October 2017. His heart stopped unexpected and unexplainably at 13w2d and medical induction at 13w6d. Then added the handkerchief made from blanket of son or daughter (I think son) Riley Ember who’s heart also stopped unexpectedly and unexplainably at 8w4d and was medically induced at 12 weeks in April 2018. We also had two very early losses in 1999 & 2002 before 5 weeks. They all were babies that I loved even if the world never understands or might think oh well you were barely even pregnant. You see I miss them, I miss the hope and dreams I had for their future, I miss seeing those two lines on the pregnancy test, the image on the ultrasound, I miss hearing their heartbeat, I miss putting my hands over my uterus knowing a new life was growing and developing, I miss the pregnancy congratulations, I miss the excitement my children had that they would have another sibling, I miss the joy and carefree idea that pregnancy would go well and result in a full term baby because why else would I receive this blessing or think “it couldn’t happen more than once to me”. Unfortunately however, 1 in 4 women have experienced this heartbreak and 1 in 5 pregnancies are miscarried. Allow families to celebrate as early or late as they choose. Every life deserves celebration regardless of how short their time and understand families need to grieve for the length of time and how they need. Understand that when someone brings up a child they no longer have with them on earth it isn’t to make you uncomfortable or get sympathy it’s their way of honoring that life and keeping the memory of their child alive as well as the only way they can continue showing their love for that child. I know I will meet my babies again, I know they will never face suffering and are at peace but that does not stop my love or keep me from occasionally feeling sad and yearning for what might have been. I am not a statistic, I have 3 wonderful children still with me here on this earth and 4 precious babies waiting on me in Heaven. Love and Hugs to all those families who have experienced the loss of their child!
0 Comments
|
Authentically ME
I'm a wife of 25 years to a husband that consistently chooses to love me despite my flaws and a mother of 3 wonderful, loving and giving children. I have 7 babies waiting for me in Heaven. I'm imperfect, often feel broken and I'm always learning; you will see many aspects of what makes me the person I am throughout this blog. Though the ups and downs in this journey through life I have learned and am learning so much, I'll never stop learning. I hold myself to impossible standards yet I know I am imperfect and will keep trying, I keep dusting myself off and getting up to go again. I understand the uniqueness of every situation and person, I am ME and others are who they choose to be; I don't have to agree with you or you agree with me. I make no secret of my standards, do NOT harm children, do NOT destroy others health (physical, mental, spiritual or financial); that's my boundaries and what it takes to have access to me. If this is too much to ask feel free to move along and I let go with love and genuinely want the best for your present and future. Healing isn't a place of arrival, it's continuous, I have healed from many things and I am still healing; like an onion healing comes in layers, like the tides; healing comes in ebbs and flows. I love, I observe, I learn and forgetting the past/history leads to cycles of chaos and I refuse to forget and not remember; I will continue learning from the lessons. I have my fair share of problems and battles, I win some and lose some but by God's grace I'm continuing in the good fight. I'm attempting to live life authentically and I enjoy the many blessings I have received both in happiness and pain. I don't have any licenses in Biblical Studies, or Health (physical, mental, spiritual, financial). I have background in military, health, service of others and individual trainings and research; I don't claim to be an expert on anything and I advise you to research and advocate for yourself as well as consult professionals. I'm sharing experiences and lessons I am learning or trying to learn as I go through life. Choose to remember but not fear, choose to enjoy the now and cherish priceless moments; look forward to changes knowing that lessons will come and more beautiful glimpses, love and joy are all available when you look closely at times from your past, moments within your present and the possibilities from your tomorrows. I am a survivor, I love deeply, I am a truth finder and I am a warrior, I am ME. Know you have strength, you have value, you are enough, you are worthy of peace and happiness, your boundaries are yours and it's okay to enforce them, you are loved, you are missed, you deserve support, your goodness to people and the world is noticed, you deserve to heal, your voice matters and you deserve to be seen and heard; best of all love yourself in your uniqueness flaws and all. Archives
September 2024
Categories |