Missing my babies

This is a raw moment I’m sharing with you all. Tomorrow starts the beginning of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This bear I call Brother Bear and I’m holding him and crying because I miss my babies. I had him made with a piece of blanket inside after the loss of our son Ean Rigel in October 2017. His heart stopped unexpected and unexplainably at 13w2d and medical induction at 13w6d. Then added the handkerchief made from blanket of son or daughter (I think son) Riley Ember who’s heart also stopped unexpectedly and unexplainably at 8w4d and was medically induced at 12 weeks in April 2018. We also had two very early losses in 1999 & 2002 before 5 weeks. They all were babies that I loved even if the world never understands or might think oh well you were barely even pregnant. You see I miss them, I miss the hope and dreams I had for their future, I miss seeing those two lines on the pregnancy test, the image on the ultrasound, I miss hearing their heartbeat, I miss putting my hands over my uterus knowing a new life was growing and developing, I miss the pregnancy congratulations, I miss the excitement my children had that they would have another sibling, I miss the joy and carefree idea that pregnancy would go well and result in a full term baby because why else would I receive this blessing or think “it couldn’t happen more than once to me”. Unfortunately however, 1 in 4 women have experienced this heartbreak and 1 in 5 pregnancies are miscarried. Allow families to celebrate as early or late as they choose. Every life deserves celebration regardless of how short their time and understand families need to grieve for the length of time and how they need. Understand that when someone brings up a child they no longer have with them on earth it isn’t to make you uncomfortable or get sympathy it’s their way of honoring that life and keeping the memory of their child alive as well as the only way they can continue showing their love for that child. I know I will meet my babies again, I know they will never face suffering and are at peace but that does not stop my love or keep me from occasionally feeling sad and yearning for what might have been. I am not a statistic, I have 3 wonderful children still with me here on this earth and 4 precious babies waiting on me in Heaven. Love and Hugs to all those families who have experienced the loss of their child!