Pondering...

I would have been 15w1d pregnant with Ean today. I still instinctively place my hand over my uterus then realize it's empty, he's no longer there. I know he is in Heaven he's safe, happy and is very loved. It's hard to not get out my fetal doppler to listen to his little heartbeat and it hurts to know those little flutters I had felt are never going to turn into kicks. I'll never know if he would have had hair when he was born or the color of his hair and eyes. I'll never know what personality he would have had. Will he have been a daddy's boy, mommy's boy or preferred his brother or sisters? What would have been his first word or favorite food? These things I'll never know until we reunite in Heaven but I do know I'll forever love and think about Ean, my precious baby boy.