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After two more ultrasounds yesterday verifying baby still did not have a heartbeat we decided best plan was to induce. Baby was born at 10:30pm on Oct 30 and we could easily see baby was a boy. We named him Ean Rigel. He would have been 13w6d but probably opened his eyes in Heaven at 13w2d. He was 0.96 oz and 4.25 in. He had no obvious deformities but his death was probably caused by a chromosomal abnormality during development, we opted for burial over testing. I'm glad I was in the hospital because I lost a lot of blood but thankfully narrowly escaped having a transfusion and surgery. I know I'll grieve for a while but I'm comforted knowing he will never have known suffering and is in Heaven with Jesus and loved ones.
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In so much pain today! In addition to the emotional pain I physically hurt from falling down our stairs. In the middle of the night I decided I was as hungry and from the top of the stairs I tumbled down until I reached the hall. I just remained where I landed in a bit of shock but Bobby came right down to get me, he helped me back to bed and brought me some food. Even the dogs came to check on me. I guess trying to be positive, at least I didn't have to worry that falling hurt the baby. Hopefully Monday I'll find out what's next; how and when I'll deliver baby. So sad but happy to know he/she is in Heaven and will never have to suffer on earth but will always be loved.
I slept terribly last night. I knew something was wrong when I could not find the baby's heartbeat last night or this morning. I went for an ultrasound at 12:30 and my worst fear was confirmed. I am 13w3d, Baby was measuring at 13w2d but had no heartbeat so died. I'm waiting to hear from Dr to determine what's next. I will never forget you, my precious little one, and will always love you! Rest in the arms of Jesus, my precious little one, I'll see you again some day.  Spoke with midwife over the phone that would do a hospital birth. She feels very confident I won't have any problems having another VBA2C. I'm scheduled to see her Monday, October 30. Feeling a little unnerved about how everything has been so stressful and challenging this pregnancy. Been praying that if there's something wrong with the baby or the baby would suffer that God would spare him/her from suffering.
11w4d today. All day has been I'm awake sickness but it'll pass.
Ok it really irks me that I take 3 hours out of my evening especially when I'm not feeling well just to be given the I'm sorry I wish there's more I could do line. No how about if you were 99% sure you weren't going to help me then you should have saved me time and sanity by being forthcoming and just keep that 1% of false hope for someone else. I'd been in contact with her since the middle of September about a possible homebirth and she was at first okish with traveling 130 miles to our home and then by the time we met she had no idea who I was and instantly shut down that plan then mentioned maybe if I came to her part way but then said oh I'm not comfortable with caring for you after discussing the meds I had been on. Blah. It's for the best anyway.
Sent a message to Dr office to see if the ultrasound showed why I was spotting before and was told the results came back normal and there were no indications of why I was spotting.
I sent a message to the Dr office asking if there was anything I could take for nausea because dry heaving hurts and I'm so hungry but nausea is stopping me from being able to eat right now. She called in phenergan 12.5mg I could take once every 4-6 hours if needed.
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Ean RigelPrecious Boy so loved by Mommy, Daddy, 3 siblings. He arrived in Heaven when his heart stopped at 13w2d on October 26, 2017. His body was delivered 13w6d on October 30, 2017 @ 10:30PM. He was 4.25in long and weighed 0.96oz. He was laid to rest November 4, 2017 @ 2PM. He will be forever loved and remembered. Ean Rigel is buried with siblings Riley Ember and Willow Rayne and are all together in Heaven with their four other siblings. 
Archives
October 2019
CategoriesClick to join Facebook group Remembering Ean Rigel, "My Bright Little Star", Pregnancy Loss Support.
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Remolding Clay
- Thoughts/Studies
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My Losses
- Why It’s Not “Just a Miscarriage”
- Ean Rigel (Blog)
- Riley Ember (Blog)
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Pictures (ONLY CLICK TABS IF YOU WANT TO SEE THEM. *Disclaimer: Images may be disturbing for some)
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- Pictures of Ean. He was not full term, he was 13w2d when his heart stopped and he stopped growing, he was born 13w6d.
- Pictures of Riley. He was 8w4d when his heart stopped and he stopped growing, and he was born at 12 weeks.
- Pics of Willow. She was 8w2d when her heart stopped and she stopped growing; she was born 10w6d.
- Never Forgotten Babies
- Praying For You
