Going through emotions

It’s so frustrating I get so unsettled I leave the bedroom. I was feeling like losing every microscopic bit of composure. I was upset about how this week has gone holiday wise and yes it hurts that I put effort into it and get met with bleh attitudes and logical reasoning. It hurts that only now is anyone thinking about me and I always put thought and effort into Christmas. I’m allowed to feel just a little put off. We lost our baby boy 7 weeks ago and the whole experience was completely traumatic for me, it was my body that failed it was my body that experienced the hours of contractions and blood gushing for weeks afterwards. It was so very hard to even have any enthusiasm for Christmas I honestly would prefer to hide away and hear everyone was happy. I should have been feeling Ean’s movements and telling him Merry Christmas I could have placed my hand on my belly to let him know mommy loved him very much. Instead I get to know that he is with Jesus but I’m left with so many questions I’ll never have answers. I at the least expected a bit of comfort from family but that was just totally stupid of me to hope for anything.  I’m sad, I’m angry and I’m alone. Goodnight!