The end of pregnancy brings much anxiety whether it’s a healthy full term pregnancy and birth can occur any moment or if it’s a missed miscarriage and you’re waiting any moment to miscarry ending the pregnancy. Difference is at the end of a healthy full term pregnancy there’s usually joy and with a missed miscarriage while grief begins the moment you hear there’s no heartbeat it becomes more intense once you’re no longer carrying the baby. When you’re unsure of when delivery will occur it generally won’t stop you from leaving home at full term but with miscarriage it’s terrifying because you fear you’ll lose your baby down a public toilet. This side of Heaven we’ll never know why we lost Riley Ember or even know gender for sure because sending baby for testing they won’t return for burial. I just know most likely the loss was caused by something genetic that couldn’t be prevented and I believe Riley Ember was a boy. So I wait and I pray that I don’t have to have surgery so we’re still able to bury Riley Ember.
Rearranged the mantle today. I brought home the plaque Papa and Granny got for Ean’s grave because I’m afraid it will get damaged when they mow or trim. It says “Forever With the Angels Always In our Hearts”. There’s now 4 baby’s laying in angel wings to represent all of our babies in Heaven. Baby Wichita 1999, Baby Augusta 2002, Ean Rigel 2017 and Riley Ember 2018.
I stopped the progesterone and low dose aspirin last night. Labs from yesterday's HCG and progesterone shows HCG went down to 134238 and progesterone down to 40.9
Precious ultrasound pictures taken of our little baby. Enjoy the love, peace and happiness in Heaven our precious baby. We will meet you someday in Heaven. We loved you before you were conceived, our love grew each day, and our love for you will never end
This is the last ultrasound picture taken of our little baby today. Unfortunately still no heartbeat detected and there was only one baby. Estimate is baby died 2 weeks ago, my body isn’t letting this little one go easily and isn’t even showing signs of it yet, as of now it’s still day by day to see what happens. I went in for labs after ultrasound; we’re checking HCG level, Progesterone, Homocysteine level, testing for Protein C Deficiency and testing for Protein S Deficiency. This has been such a roller coaster and it’s not over yet, I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. Hubby is really struggling too. The kids haven’t had much to say but losing a second sibling so soon and so much unknown has been hard on them.
Yesterday after my ultrasound I went to my Dr’s office and had HCG and Progesterone levels drawn so I would know. I received a call from Dr this morning and she was surprised because my levels to her don’t indicate a loss. My HCG was 138,956 and progesterone was 55.7. My last labs a month ago HCG was 8935 and progesterone 36.4. She says with my levels so high there are instances where it’s actually a twin pregnancy and one passes but the other survives. So I’m continuing progesterone for now and tomorrow I’ll get labs drawn again to see if anything changes. Since my uterus is tipped I’ll probably request a vaginal ultrasound so we know for sure. My body has always been a little out of the normal so it’s still possible there’s only one baby and he/she has went to Heaven but my body is continuing to carry.
I wish I had a better report today. Before the technician actually said it we were able to see for ourselves our baby didn’t have a heartbeat anymore, today I’d be 10w2d. We don’t know when this happened, we recorded the heartbeat March 20th at 8w3d and thought we heard it for a couple seconds at 9 weeks but weren’t able to locate at 9w6d or 10w. My uterus is tipped so that is one explanation for baby measuring small but maybe there was something more to it genetically. There’s no way our dates were off and hearing a heartbeat by doppler would have been impossible if I was going by the ultrasound date, my first ultrasound at 6w2d baby measured 5w6d and no heartbeat was seen, second ultrasound at 7w2d baby measured 6w2d and had a heartbeat of 125bpm and today at 10w2d baby measured 7w5d and no heartbeat. Doctor says this far along miscarriage is for sure going to happen, a heartbeat was seen and heard and now neither, a heart doesn’t just stop and restart. Now I stop the progesterone supplementation and it’s just a matter of time but if it doesn’t happen naturally I’ll have to have surgery. Keep our family in prayer please, so much loss and we still haven’t processed it all.
Precious Baby so loved by Mommy, Daddy, Brother and his two Sisters. This precious baby was our little rainbow after a storm, our remaining ember of hope and an answer to prayer. On April 2, 2018 when I was 10w2d pregnant we learned our baby no longer had a heartbeat and was only measuring around 8 weeks. We believe this precious baby was a boy. He arrived in Heaven when his heart stopped at 8w4d on March 21, 2018. His body was delivered at 12w on April 14, 2018 @ 3:20PM. He was laid to rest April 16, 2016 about 3:40PM. Riley Ember and Ean Rigel are buried together and are in Heaven together with their other two siblings. Riley Ember will be forever loved and remembered.