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I'm going to get labs done again tomorrow to make sure HCG is rising properly, it was 2838 on Monday. My progesterone went up to 32.8 from 13.12 so that's a plus. Hopefully it'll show that the suppositories are working well because the injections aren't available with the sesame seed oil shortage.
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I shared this on my blog and Facebook today. Before getting too far into this, I’m pregnant, 5 weeks to be exact! Announcing pregnancy after loss becomes complicated with many emotions and leads to an uncertainty of wondering when the best time is to tell others. After just losing Ean in October, his heart stopped at 13w2d, and realizing how pregnancy isn’t permanent even once you get passed the 12 weeks, it is an odd feeling of wanting to protect from that heartache to being joyful and wanting to share the good news. This coupled with just losing Ma/Granny February 5th made the thought of ever announcing feel impossible because this loss was not just ours and how would this news feel to others still grieving her absence? We obviously didn’t know when we started trying this month that we would lose her, and I had already ovulated before she was gone. Prior to realizing I was in fact pregnant the thoughts of not trying again were already pouring in and maybe we would have stopped trying completely, possibly not, but we would have waited longer to allow more time to grieve. I don’t understand God’s timing, His plan or His ways but I do know He knew this was all going to happen just the way it did. She was always the first person my husband told and that realization she wasn’t here to tell anymore was sad, it was also slightly amusing to realize that this time she probably knew even before we did. I read a book on pregnancy after loss and the author mentioned that she regretted not celebrating the small milestones and wishes she had allowed herself to feel more hope and joy. This will likely be my last pregnancy and I remember wishing I had enjoyed my pregnancy with Ean more so that is what I’m going to try to do now. I’ve decided that although I am still sad and was ill prepared for the emotions I would be going through or even the moments where everything feels unreal, I am going to focus on the realization that Heaven is a better place and I can celebrate my joys even amongst the grief. I pray and ask others to pray that this baby is a healthy full-term baby. This is my daily focus: “Today is a new day. This is a new pregnancy. Pregnancy is a blessing for as many days as it will be. I will celebrate each new day with my baby. God is with me every step of the way and will help me through any outcome.”  Imagine my surprise when I was on the way to get my second blood draw and was texted by my OB saying my progesterone was 13 so she'd like me to start suppositories and I'll need to be rechecked next week. I told the lady at the lab which one was needed and she said yeah yeah I know and sure enough she only processed HCG as yes or no so I will have to have the numbers checked next week. I'll go to the office 45 min away and get it done correctly. Went to a compounding pharmacy in the town 45 min away to pick up the suppositories and thankfully they are made without any dye so yay. I had a vial of progesterone left so I had hubby give me the two shots then I looked closer and I needed 2ml per hip not the 1ml so I had to get the rest, oh what fun 4 shots in one day.
Ugh the results aren't back yet. I called my OB office and they said I needed to check with my regular Dr's office. I called there and the receptionist said the nurse would call me so I explained it was ordered by a different Dr. She checked with the lab and since it was a "late" draw it didn't go out until this morning and results won't be in until late today or tomorrow. Usually at my OB office results are in by next morning. Still unclear where results will be going. I'm so frustrated right now I'm sick.
Turns out the lab processing company doesn't always show the orders on all computers so I'm glad I had a copy of the faxed order. The lady that drew my blood said she had to call because it looked like the writing said HC6 not HCG. I reminded her that we needed the HCG that showed the actual level not just the yes or no and she immediately said oh yeah I know. Personally I'm not a fan of her to begin with because she was the one that told me to stop the progesterone cream when I was pregnant with my last daughter and when I asked couldn't it cause a miscarriage to stop immediately and she just brushed me of and said yeah it could but just stop. I of course didn't especially since they wouldn't test my levels.
I saw the weather was calling for more winter mix so I sent an email to the OB office requesting they submit the order for the HCG and Progesterone test to the company that processes labs. My regular Dr had given me permission to have the labs drawn in his office and they submit to the same company but I needed the order from my OB. Since the nurse was out of the office I received a message back asking if I was pregnant. I replied yes and said the nurse had told me to come in on the 21st so I needed the orders put in so I could have them drawn locally. Also made sure to relay I've been on the 200mg oral progesterone since 2DPO and sent this picture.  Well I caught the head cold from our toddler so that's not exactly fun. Thankfully it's not too bad just a little congested and sore throat.   Went to church today and they had the Valentine's Banquet because last Sunday was too icy. Daddy stayed home with our toddler because she had a head cold so our son, oldest daughter and I went. I bawled during the special Trust in You. Letting go of every single dream I lay each one down at Your feet Every moment of my wandering Never changes what You see I try to win this war I confess, my hands are weary, I need Your rest Mighty warrior, king of the fight No matter what I face You're by my side When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through When You don't give the answers As I cry out to You I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings There's not a day ahead You have not seen So let all things be my life and breath I want what You want Lord and nothing less When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through When You don't give the answers As I cry out to You I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You I will trust in You You are my strength and comfort You are my steady hand You are my firm foundation The rock on which I stand Your ways are always higher Your plans are always good There's not a place where I'll go You've not already stood I've told 4 people I'm pregnant and asked them to pray, it's been nice to share the joy although there's the ache in my heart from losing Ean and Granny. Knowing when the time to share joyful news during sadness is difficult so we've not known when to tell Papa but it'll be soon.   Today I would have been 29w5d pregnant with Ean. I am 4 weeks pregnant with a new precious baby. This doesn't replace Ean and it's hard for me to comprehend what this pregnancy will be like but I am thankful for the blessed opportunity even though I'm also faced with some sadness.   |
Riley EmberPrecious Baby so loved by Mommy, Daddy, Brother and his two Sisters. This precious baby was our little rainbow after a storm, our remaining ember of hope and an answer to prayer. On April 2, 2018 when I was 10w2d pregnant we learned our baby no longer had a heartbeat and was only measuring around 8 weeks. We believe this precious baby was a boy. He arrived in Heaven when his heart stopped at 8w4d on March 21, 2018. His body was delivered at 12w on April 14, 2018 @ 3:20PM. He was laid to rest April 16, 2016 about 3:40PM. Riley Ember and Ean Rigel are buried together and are in Heaven together with their other two siblings. Riley Ember will be forever loved and remembered. Archives
April 2019
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May your life be greatly blessed!