It’s Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas!

For all those that haven’t already unfollowed me although I have been absent from blogging I post so much about loss on Facebook, thank you for bearing with me during this difficult season of life. For those that have unfollowed me and are seeing this sometime in the future, some topics are just too heavy for the point you’re at in life, I sincerely understand and I will get back into blogging. Fair warning it will probably be fairly heavy posts. It’s not even been two months yet that Ean went to be with Jesus and it feels like I have been trapped in my own personal eternity. I’ve lost so many this year and haven’t talked about it. 2017 has been a very heavy year for our family and myself. This loss will always weigh heavy but some days will be better and eventually it won’t be all consuming although it will still be ever present. Someday I’ll be able to not go into a sort of panic mode when I see someone I know or try to talk with them. I realize sometimes they’re dreading the awkwardness of me speaking of our loss of Ean but I’m also still emotionally raw and cannot speak much without the fountain of tears so I may only tiptoe away from the topic. Please understand someday I may talk about it and for now I don’t bring it up. I’m still healing but until I’m able to voice thoughts it’s ok if you mention Ean as it’ll bring a degree of comfort knowing his little life mattered and you care. One of the most honest and helpful things I’ve heard was “I’m so sorry, there are no words, I’m praying for you all”. I’m so thankful for my kiddos and I have tried to make sure they know they are loved and I’m trying to enjoy Christmas with them. I know Ean is worshiping Jesus with all our loved ones and the angels up in Heaven. Because of the greatest gift of all, salvation through Jesus, I can be assured we will be together again some day. I pray you all have a Merry Christmas and even in the difficult times you find light to guide you forward.