Been a week

It’s hard knowing that today it’s been a week since I delivered Riley. My womb is empty and my heart breaks. I had a baby shower to attend for a dear sweet boy that has been so desired and prayed for by two loving parents. Part of me felt scared to attend because I was afraid I’d break down and I didn’t want to lessen this joyful occasion. I wanted to be there because I am happy and excited for this child. Although it’s joyful I’m also reminded that I’ve lost two babies during this time. I was 6 weeks ahead in pregnancy but lost Ean. Then this mama is still pregnant, praise the Lord for that, and when I became pregnant she was 20 weeks ahead of me. Now I have the loss of Riley too. I’ve had the loss of two babies in the time we’ve been anxiously awaiting this precious little boy. I had a friend say I was so brave and strong for attending the baby shower so soon after losing Riley and having the loss of Ean. She said not many would be able to celebrate another baby so soon after losing their own. My heart aches and I’d give anything to have my babies and I don’t see going to this baby shower as brave or strong. I love this baby and celebrate him, I look forward to the day I can hold him and know the joy his mommy and daddy feel. I do miss my babies and everyday it’s hard, but I know one day I’ll see Ean and Riley in Heaven.